Typical Mornings

The yolk of the morning burst upon me in a thousands shades of gold. The birds sang odes to it reverently. Morning greeted me.

However, a faint, whirring noise issued from a distant land. I tore my eyelids apart with considerable effort, and stirred my stone-heavy limbs. The light blinded me as I turned towards the window. The sun had outdone me, yet again.

I rose with a heavy sigh of resignation. I was always defeated as I attempted to compete with the sun.

I never came to know how I was always outdone in this world. My world always allowed me to have as many sunrises and sunsets, adventures and mysteries as I pleased. But this world always outdid me in every aspect and interest.

Coming to interests, they lay in a dormant field; barren and boring. However, young fantasies reveled in a surprisingly large population. The coolness of a daydream seemed miles away. Cool winds blew at my face as disguised temptresses; however, the heart lay in its place, as dull as ever.

Aimlessly, my heart wandered through the forests of bright stars. My arms stretched towards the auroral radiance, yet, failed to reach it.

My eyes closed lazily, yet again, and I drifted into a an easy sleep full of lethargy and rejuvenation (or so I hoped).

Dark Disappointment

I try, I try!

Without a cry

My knees tremble,

yet I tread.

My hands bruise,

yet I do.

My breath stops,

yet I race.

My jar of tolerance,

runs dangerously low.

Each pellet,

a bullet shot at my brain.

The tranquilizers have lost their way,

in some dreary desert of woe,

where all that is found is lost, slow.

A knot of thread around my heart,

threatens to strangle the soul.

Conscience is a traitor in this world,

where all that is earned is sold.

A blink of an eye,

will shut the commotion,

but only for a second or two.

The effort is too great a burden,

Again and again, I try

to escape the cage of intricate threads,

only to fall on my face again,

with a deafening thud,

of dark disappointment.

I entreat you….

Stop your whining!

Stop your chiding!

Hear the river flow awhile,

playing the the song of the peaceful divine.

Hearken the sounds of the flowers dancing,

the eddying bays singing and laughing.

The day is mellow,

the heart, bright.

Hearken the songs of the birds beckoning,

their dulcet melodies

shall melt in your heart.

Stop the noises!

Close your eyes.

Can you hear the odes of the rose?

Their bittersweet promises,

will stir thy heart.

The secrets behind their rouged lips,

entrance you behind crimson curtains.

Stop the shouting!

Stop the gossip!

I entreat you, look around awhile,

hold your breath.

Let the fickle wind carry your soul,

over to an unknown world.

Let the warm sunshine wash over your heart!

Let the beauty of life shine apart!

Allow your eyes to flicker and pause,

look at the wondrous world around!

My dear friend…

You will not hear me, will you?

Far away as I am,

in a jungle of confused thoughts,

Weeds of anxiety making me trip and fall.

You will not hear me, will you?

The winds will deafen me soon

in its howling, savage mood.

Soon I will reach that desert of ignorance,

where every thought falls away in fear.

So I gather the thoughts in a bouquet

so they flower in my heart in effusion,

and I can find you in my heart soon.

When the reaping arrives,

and songs are sung,

you will remind me of our laughs and sorrows,

our beautiful yesterday, with no tomorrow

In this jungle of hurt and fell,

I wish you would hold my hand and catch my fall.

But, my dear friend,

you will not hear me, will you?

I wish time would stop….

I wish time would stop for a moment, so I can catch up. The sea of noise, confusion, laughter,  gossip, I wish they would stop roaring at the shore.

I wish time would stop so I could move around freely, without the thousand curious eyes retracing my steps; so I could look at everyone without fear, study their expressions, absorb their thoughts.

I wish the white, sparkling diamonds falling outside the windows would stop, so I could feel them, touch them, understand their thoughts, feel their emotions.

But no one had the time to stop for my silly whims,the chatter went on, the laughter roared, and mocked me.

And the world seems so lonely to me- the hollow laughs, the vulgar gossip, its whims and fancies.

But am I the only one sitting and observing?

For everyone else, life goes on, like a tornado, as fast and furious. But when will it pause, if ever?

Life is eternal, the brook flows on, people come and go, yet, here I am, in a bubble of dreams; in the world, yet far away.

Dilemma of the heart

Once victorious, man stands proudly, without a care in the world, except for his own success. But insecurity and fear soon creep into his heart, like poisonous tendrils of climbers, rising to sink its fangs at the core, to kill a noble heart and replace it with the blackened ash of the world.

It is now up to the weak, dear heart, and its conscience to decide what is better or worse. Giving in without a fight seems to be the easiest way out, yet the impassioned, yet clever heart may think twice, stagger a bit, raise its brows, look insecurely here and there; but the tendrils are closing in, gradually, slowly.

The heart, furtively, peeps outside, at the seemingly clean, beautiful, complacent world, where once, the man was successful, and all was happy. It asks itself, ‘Is it possible for me to fight, only to get that beautiful world back?’ , but another sly voice in the dark depths of the tendrils speaks out – ‘Isn’t it better my dear, to laugh in riches, live securely, trample on everyone else and make your way easier?’

Confusion reigns in the heart, yet the blood is pumping faster and faster by the minute, ‘Yes, that is easier, but is it right?’

Faced by that eternal question, the man’s heart shrinks away, shy in that dark corner, looking for consolation, advice, a decision to remove the confusion, yet it is alone, again.

The light was slowly, surely, going out, the tendrils get tighter and tighter, yet there was still a ray of light streaming into the heart. The heart peeped again.

There were flowers outside, in all colours – red, white, blue, violet — and they were laughing, the fickle wind, tickled them from time to time. They were chatting, laughing, dancing. A dark vine was trying to climb up the stem, strangle their laughs and stop their merry dance, but in vain, the flowers were so happy and passionate, they ignored its efforts.

The heart, suddenly, started tugging, pulling, pushing away the tendrils, determinedly, it plucked at the string-like stems. The vines started breaking away, the heart threw it away in disgust. But the vine remained in a corner, in all its dark vanity, it shrank away from the pure, noble heart, and waited to pounce at another victim, who’s heart was weaker,  more vulnerable.

His tendrils still ached, and it resolved never to attack the noble hearts again.

In Shadow and Light

Raw wounds in bitter light

Seem to be the truth in sight.

But where does the healing end?

In pain or in mend ?

‘Neutralize the sorrow

With a gentle hose of tomorrow’,

Says the heart in fear

Of seeing the truth so near.

It blatantly lies

Like the moon in sunshine

That  stays there, unaware

Of its past night

When the dark danced

With the  moonbeams

In a quiet wrestle

Of true and false.

‘Where is the truth?’

Cries out the heart,

‘In what dark alley,

In what base light,

Do I see, the truth in sight?’

But I do not trust the silly whims of life,

mere play of shadow and light,

one day it will surely deceive me,

and all lights will go out.

I will laugh at myself

At the whole life I led,

In the play of shadow and light.

Blue Love

By my side, the stream flowed,

Vigorous and quiet,

Amorous and ardent.

The shy treble danced loudly,

In the eddying corners of its beloved,

Creating music in the sweetest way.

The water sprays caressed my face,

My soul and my senses numbed in bliss…

Cool relief seeped into my life,

Like entrancing, blue love.

But something creaked far behind,

As the blue turned black in the shadowy light,

And I was pulled away, far away,

My hand outstretched,

Searching for my blue love…

But it had deceived me long ago.

All was pitch black,

My voice unheard,

My touch unfelt.

The cold held me,

darkness kissed me,

life became unfair

And I sank deeper and deeper into the black…

Falling again

I am mocked by the world,

for being who I am,

without any deception,

without any lies.

I am shunned and hated,

but for what reason?

Because I am falling,

in my own eyes ?

Agitation, envy, desire breed,

in this hard hearted society.

And where am I on this world’s scale ?

Down on my knees,

 falling again and again ?

I feel defeated,

accused only for ruining myself.

I will repent when I have time,

only to fall again and break;

for delicate hearts of glass,

when hurled ruthlessly,

cry and shriek, and fall to pieces,

never to come together again.

Off to Assam !

Off to Assam !

The sequel of my earlier post – “A Dose of Intrigue”  Please give me your feedback. 🙂

But the sudden ringing of Robin’s mobile phone interrupted my chain of thoughts. He excused

himself and went to the drawing room. I strained my ears and heard him speak.

‘ Yes Sanyal speaking…..your dog….how ?….yes…I certainly understand. When should I come?…alright…yes…I

have a case on hand right now. I can start on Wednesday. Your number ?…Yes, thank you.’

When we had finished lunch and Baba had gone for his afternoon nap, I asked Robin ‘Can I come with you ?’, while

he was solving a Sudoku in the newspaper.

‘Where to ?’, he asked, without removing his gaze from the newspaper.

‘Sleuthing’, I replied

‘Sleuthing ? It is not as easy as you think it is, young chap. It is very dangerous.’, he asked, unperturbed.

‘I am serious. I have a month of vacations this autumn. If you have any new cases, then please take me along.’

‘But you will convince your father. And you can come only if you can answer the questions I ask, within a minute.

‘Are you ready ?’

‘Absolutely’, I said enthusiastically.

‘How long is the Brahmaputra river ?’, was the first question.

‘I studied it this year ….its about 3,000 kilometres… is it not ?’

‘Be accurate.’

I racked my brains, and finally I remembered – ‘ It’s 2,900 kilometres…yes !’

‘Next question – name the seven sister states in the north-east of India.’

‘ Alright… Arunachal Pradesh …Mizoram…Manipur…Meghalaya…Tripura…Nagaland and…and..yes, I

remember….Assam!’ I said triumphantly.